2012 Mid July

Hi hi everyone who ever you are..
Right now i am currently aware of everything around me.I realised I changed for the better in this hard times.Its almost a miracle actually to see yourself changing and adapting.I certainly wasnt the same person i was 3 years ago.

So for the most worst part is that my gaming side has officially died.I realised working class people or university students suck at games(particularly if you have super bad internet or havent been practicing much).My international gamers friends now weep at the passing of my gaming side as I am too caught up with life right now and too tired to give a damm to play at competitive levels anymore.And speaking of which my interest has brought me over to playing DOTA and DOTA 2 mostly.Good bye to DOW2 and all my action shooters and RPGS.DOTA2 rocks and is probably the only thing I will play from now till where ever i end up.Its the only game in my mind for its no nonsense fun and guaranteed madness that produce some really good LOL material and WTF moments.Ahhhh good times, good times...

So while my status now is been called an uber noob.No worries I will be back in to my former self hopefully after i graduate and start working.

So for the good part is that I realised that maturity has increased and I am happy to say that my weirdness and awkwardness hasnt changed a bit!!Thank God for that.I know being weird and awkward might be a bad thing or sound strange to most of you but I really am glad that I retained a majority of it still.Thats what makes my identity up.So I am begining to understand that although it doesnt do me any much good in practice, I am still glad that it enables me to think differently and creatively that other people.They say visionary people are like this.I hope it really is then for most people cant really comprehend or tolerate me for that matter.But I am really glad that God put people who really understands me very well to live life and allow my craziness to expand.

So how do i wrap this up???.

I get hurt a lot these few years(emotionally and physical abusing myself).I can foresee lots of potential heart problems coming my way(and I mean like heart attacks,shock and fatigue) and my health is hanging on still but I don't know how long I can keep this up.I keep meeting strange people(who are actually strange by my standards)and soon i think they may send me sooner to the grave if I linger around them any longer.Kinda like Death Prophet or Shadow Fiend.I just want some people to know that my heart is not strong...I am frail and get tired easily.What they are doing really give me physical strain.


Stress might kill me one day.I have a real brief experience on what being really sick is like.When you start coughing up blood,have blood running down your nose,panic attacks and sleepless nights like this then you have experience the very least of reality in a physical manner.Bad enough for a guy,its worst if you are a girl or a pussy.

Logically speaking I do know I am/is/still am/has been a troll for a very long time now and the reason for this is that I can be such a dick and jerk at times but still all that is going to change.To live by my principles and 'keeping it real' is actually an assholic behaviour and no one wants that.

Unless I want to see myself single for the remainder of my life then I guess it give me motivations to change for the better. Not only that I still have the burning question of wondering whether I am born into the wrong country(I guess I will give it a rest and find the answer for this question later).It seems that my next mission is to spread my wings and travel in search for MY HOLYLAND and find my purpose in life.I believe that my comfort zone is not here.

They say there is no place like home.Truth is these is no place like home in the right comfort zone.So if staying under a bridge is your spot well then it probably is.I just wanna see myself in a place of glass doors and windows with tons of monitors with endless Internet access and jelly for dessert every night.



OK thats enough thoughts for today.Stay tune and thanks for viewing