GETTING OLD

"Growing old really makes you wiser indeed"

Of course still maturity doesn't always come with age....Some people hit that light bulb earlier than others....some realized only at their deathbed.

Today I discovered what it is really like to feel "old"...while I don't necessarily feel I am mature or "a man" I think it definitely changed the way I think while I was in school....to a young adult.

I learned that :

"there is no action without consequence" causality
"there is always a choice"freedom
"change yourself or change the world" impact
"there is no right or wrong"moral judgement
"you are on a timetable" death is waiting
"time is the worlds currency" nothing is free
"love is needed because humans need love" emotions needed for soul healing
"Parents are God in the eyes of a child" love thy maker
 "Learning never stops because the world keeps spinning" dynamic environments
"No one is smart, they just do the right things at the right time" chance grabbing

While this is only the part I have learned when living alone...I still know I have a looonngggggg wayyyy to goooo.....But I find that living alone and making mistakes are good...If you know what goes wrong in your life...this is good for you

At the back of my mind is a child that keeps making mistakes and blames the world for everything gone wrong....Thats who i see when I look in the mirror....A spineless and stubborn person.

Yea its not perfect...I know it sounds like I am criticizing myself.But the truth is everyone feels this way...Humans have a universal feeling that they feel all the time....."why am I against the world" , "what did i do wrong" , "why am I here"

The answers are all in yourself....It will magically pop into your mind...I know its frustrating now that you dont see it yet....But when you finally do....you will feel like Neo...The only one who knows you is yourself... No one will help you,no one will tell you what to do with your life. Just remember a few key things,remember to love yourself,the people who loves you....the rest you can go screw it....Fuck all the unnecessary people who hurt you or belittle you. Keep on living till you are old....To prove them wrong!

WEYSEER

Last day of internship

Okayyyyy....Its over...end of story...I guess I can breath easier now...Its been a very touch and rough 3 months....

I know this might sound whiny but trust me...Internship sucks....Its sucks bad when it is selected for you which company you have to go to,or if you you no other options or if you are just plain lazy...Fortunately in my case,I have seem to be in situations where options are only A or B...but I always end up getting shitty choices.

Anyhow,the reason for this post is to just sum up the fear and the stress that I am either imagining or facing in real time.Because it hurts so bad emotionally I feel so numb and cant think straight.Seriously I have been to the pits of hell and back again for 12 full weeks.


People, will hurt you,no matter is your boss, colleagues, close friends and customers...It seems to me like my luck is kinda shitty where all plans never hits target and people nagging like they owned you..Its like I can go stereotypical and label everything but that would make me look shallow,stupid and racist or even sexist.

Things like:-

Malays are slow at work
Chinese are so cheap,two faced and sly
Indians are so lazy and rude...etc etc

All these words can go flying about if one doesnt control his thoughts and words from escaping his tongue.Deception is game where you try to gain through hurting people without them realizing it.Expectations where when its higher or for certain to happen have heart stopping moments which are both good and bad.


I did not know how green I was until I keep bumping myself and putting unnecessary stress on myself. all the time.I feel silly and stupid but still manage to keep calm and tell myself I am still human and I do make mistakes.I just wish I made the mistakes and people will point it out to me without being angry and forget it like 10 minutes later and be back to normal.(So much to wish for...but only in my head....oooorrr in movies)

I really wish to criticize people that hurt me like this and make me more introvert but my nature cant be changed(thank God for that).I mean surely by now like 20-40 years of living on Earth will surely teach you something right....Maybe I got it all wrong....Since I always assume as you grow older you will be wiser...But that is not always the case and things are not as it seems to be.Once again proving that humans are indeed never perfect.


I guess I have to cool down myself and compose into a less pathetic and sorry state.But I need to have and outlet to vent my disappointments in here or else I wont wanna live on Earth anymore.But still I think its too early to say that.I am young and still wanna contribute something for Earth.Yes you heard me right,I really wanna leave something behind for the human race.Something it sorely needs...even though it may cost my life.I am still searching for truth  while avoiding all this mortal pain I am suffering.I get like the weirdest people around me.Well here is the joke,my friend told me I am indeed very emotional,unstable and definitely weird...Hell yeah I agree 100%...but I guess the jokes on him because there far worse people who exihibit such behavior problems,like parents or old people.



So time to wrap it out,FUCKING TIRED,BURNED AND SULKY right now...Being human...I mean living with humans are so sucky...Like seriously,even with relatives you see conflict being subdue by 'family ties" or "bloodline" dampening the hate.Else everyone here have reasons to go APESHIT and make life hell on Earth


Peace out

2012 Mid July

Hi hi everyone who ever you are..
Right now i am currently aware of everything around me.I realised I changed for the better in this hard times.Its almost a miracle actually to see yourself changing and adapting.I certainly wasnt the same person i was 3 years ago.

So for the most worst part is that my gaming side has officially died.I realised working class people or university students suck at games(particularly if you have super bad internet or havent been practicing much).My international gamers friends now weep at the passing of my gaming side as I am too caught up with life right now and too tired to give a damm to play at competitive levels anymore.And speaking of which my interest has brought me over to playing DOTA and DOTA 2 mostly.Good bye to DOW2 and all my action shooters and RPGS.DOTA2 rocks and is probably the only thing I will play from now till where ever i end up.Its the only game in my mind for its no nonsense fun and guaranteed madness that produce some really good LOL material and WTF moments.Ahhhh good times, good times...

So while my status now is been called an uber noob.No worries I will be back in to my former self hopefully after i graduate and start working.

So for the good part is that I realised that maturity has increased and I am happy to say that my weirdness and awkwardness hasnt changed a bit!!Thank God for that.I know being weird and awkward might be a bad thing or sound strange to most of you but I really am glad that I retained a majority of it still.Thats what makes my identity up.So I am begining to understand that although it doesnt do me any much good in practice, I am still glad that it enables me to think differently and creatively that other people.They say visionary people are like this.I hope it really is then for most people cant really comprehend or tolerate me for that matter.But I am really glad that God put people who really understands me very well to live life and allow my craziness to expand.

So how do i wrap this up???.

I get hurt a lot these few years(emotionally and physical abusing myself).I can foresee lots of potential heart problems coming my way(and I mean like heart attacks,shock and fatigue) and my health is hanging on still but I don't know how long I can keep this up.I keep meeting strange people(who are actually strange by my standards)and soon i think they may send me sooner to the grave if I linger around them any longer.Kinda like Death Prophet or Shadow Fiend.I just want some people to know that my heart is not strong...I am frail and get tired easily.What they are doing really give me physical strain.


Stress might kill me one day.I have a real brief experience on what being really sick is like.When you start coughing up blood,have blood running down your nose,panic attacks and sleepless nights like this then you have experience the very least of reality in a physical manner.Bad enough for a guy,its worst if you are a girl or a pussy.

Logically speaking I do know I am/is/still am/has been a troll for a very long time now and the reason for this is that I can be such a dick and jerk at times but still all that is going to change.To live by my principles and 'keeping it real' is actually an assholic behaviour and no one wants that.

Unless I want to see myself single for the remainder of my life then I guess it give me motivations to change for the better. Not only that I still have the burning question of wondering whether I am born into the wrong country(I guess I will give it a rest and find the answer for this question later).It seems that my next mission is to spread my wings and travel in search for MY HOLYLAND and find my purpose in life.I believe that my comfort zone is not here.

They say there is no place like home.Truth is these is no place like home in the right comfort zone.So if staying under a bridge is your spot well then it probably is.I just wanna see myself in a place of glass doors and windows with tons of monitors with endless Internet access and jelly for dessert every night.



OK thats enough thoughts for today.Stay tune and thanks for viewing

A moment in 2011

Wow hello world...i am back again!

Today is 12 of July..Still on sem break...still in rehab to find his Winson-ness
709 was a historical day in Malaysia.A real surprise for me as many people took to the streets and demand what they want.A riot did happen between the rakyat and the police(dumb thugs)

All the while i wanted to see how far is corruption going to go and how much tyranny would happen.I seen what our Gov is capable of.And now with the power vested in my
By the Holy Inquisition of Winsoness I hereby declare the rulling Gov to be subjected to a big can of whoop ass in the next coming election.
Its the whoop ass in the can that is less sour and bitter than war and barbarism.We the rakyat have standards also you know.=P

But the ruling Gov has a double standard..So its fair that we only have ONE right?After all it is 1Malaysia.We are one,the people,the rakyat,the puak puak that you so openly call us.So by the will of the Holy Emperor,it is hoped that the next PRU will see some change.Not a big one but just ONE tiny change.

Sleep meltdown

Well i think most people in my age group are currently facing this problem.We just cant fall asleep.Something must be very wrong here.Somehow the computer screen is radiating some powerful force that keeps us alert.Social networking sites just eliminates your sleeping time.So does blogging,so does MSN,basically whatever you do on the computer will make you reluctant to go to bed.Sounds familiar yet?

As for me,i just love watching movies late at night.For obvious reasons i can enjoy it peacefully without my parent or siblings ruining my zen and peace.Somehow i feel i understand the movie better without the sudden phone calls,mothers nagging,siblings pissing me.Ah happy moments.

Alright back to the sleeping issue.Right...i feel so hyper now.Despite the clock showing 2.10 AM i still cant sleep.My body is tired.My motor function slows down dramatically .But i still dont wanna sleep.Mind over body.Incredible right?How i wish i was this way when i was studying.As you can see..i am not really discipline...(T_T).

Strangely the mind is stronger for some people.Somehow i love talking to the people on the other side of the globe now.Like Russia,China,USA,Poland,Japan.They speak English better than i do.Most of them are working adults or people of my age.Brilliant people i might add.Love to share things like this.The Internet really does wonders in your life.Ideas and interests all linked in one global network.

Notice my slow derailment from sleep to other topics.This is a issue i have a hard time fixing.So many things to do.24 hours is just not enough.....OR..the human body is one fragile vessel.

I tried not to nap in the afternoon lately.But still its not working.Now i feel like a zombie.Stretching and exercising in the house no longer helps.Walking around the house and doing house chores surprisingly makes me pumped.Going out to meet friends somehow becomes deemed unnecessary anymore since it means forking out money and traveling,2 things that i really hate to do.

Now at 2.30 am....i think i wanna continue later somewhere after i wake uppppppp.I hate it when i need to tell myself to sleep.Usually my parent will do it.But then i just wont stop until i finished what my mind wanted to do.RANTING IT HERE....

Good night/Good morning folks.Imma retire to bed.

The gamer in me

Again...feeling bored...still cant figure this sh** out....well i should just continue playing games..nothing beats killing xenos or hearing you beloved character bashing and chrushing your foes screaming "FOR THE EMPEROR"!!!!!Kill ,fcuking kill them!!Watch your flanks!!!they are coming!!!!!!A lot of emotions are set off during gaming.Excitement,bloodlust,anger,jealousy,pride...woooo hormones IMBA.....playing mordern day games is not as simple as it used to be during your console days......you know...the usual 3 lives then game over thingy..When was the last time you opened pinball and BEJEWELED?????


If you know me well i love strategy games..Absolutely love them too much...No other genre can make you feel God-like (unless you are just a bloody MMORPG player who believe playing DoTa as Warcraft you are fucking insane)

Star craft is one of the games i get my hands on the first time i was into video games.Despite its 2D pixelated graphics,its still fun today even today.














Then when Star Craft 2 got announced Korea exploded.Well....at least thats what they say in the news

 Back in 3D and fully reloaded for some serious classical epic battle(or spam moments).Noobs beware.Imma kick your ass when this baby is out.Star Craft 2 is next on my list.Damm Blizzard for holding it back for so long those money asshats..But more to come in the future.Hopefully we will get to see this game in July or May if possible.


Commanding your little army to go fuck all who stands against you is pretty cool.It makes you feel like you are an all powerful General or a masochist chess player.If you play Supreme Commander or its former predecessor like TA you get the idea of intercontinental warfare.No other game emphasize on scale as much as Supreme Commander does.Graphically its beautiful as well.It also features physics systems so projectiles actually has mass and weight and dimensions.So the bigger the object the harder its going to fall.

 This is one way of saying FUCK YOU if you wanna punish some tank spammer.You know there are more ways to mock your opponents online.So thats why online games are so popular.But these are not online games.You have the option to play online thats all.You can zoom and look at the views this close.






or use the satellite view

A nuke will "always" solve your problems...one of the satisfying moments i take time watching as my enemy gets blasted to the stone age.You gotta love the game scale now right.

Love it when they go"Shit you f******* nuked me" and watch as he frantically click to escape the blast zone.

Then of course there are other games of the smaller scale.Something where you hear the words like Micromanagement,spells,RPG-ish kinda games.I played a few particularly the Warhammer series and i play the sci-fi version of the universe called w40K




This is one game i take very seriously.Since its actually harder to play(technically its easier since purist think Star Craft was insanely hard......wtv),Dawn of War 2 is a RTS/RPG hybrid which combines the best of both worlds into one game.Its also a successor from Company of Heroes which also uses the same game engine and same playing style.Veterans or noobs alike will love this fun filled game for its nail-bitting,action packed mind blowing game.One nice great concepts that are introduced is the cover mechanic.Meaning if your units are in cover they actually die slowly instead of the instant squad wipes gamers fear.Also its Direct X10 compliant so get a good card to enjoy this baby.

The view you mostly be playing from.

 
Here is how the game looks like..Well this game is pretty cool.It feels and looks real enough.If you are a W40K fan/fanatic..by all means get this game.Or if you wanna show what your Pc can do..get this game as well.If you do get this game.Then feel free to challenge me anytime.Leave a comment and i will get to you asap.Go go buy it now.XD

Well that all for today.Happy gaming.GG

LOL.....i am finally blogging...i am soooo cool....XD

TUE--April 27 11.3pm

First step into blogging world.Newb blogger here.


Wokaayyy...i just sign up..now what?Helo to everyone in the virtual world we call the INTERNET.

I guess i am suppose to say something intelligent but i dont feel like it.Well not for today at least until i figure how this crap thing works.Geez....

Well i am still wondering why i started this in the first place.(still duno why)

I just became cool by blogging..How cool is that right.Everyone who blogs is so cool!!!Imma loving it!!!(forgive my bimbo moments)
So cheers anyway.More of ME to come in this coming days. =D